Monday, July 04, 2005
Bad Daughter, Good Daughter
Happy Fourth of July to all of us that celebrate it! Happy July 4th to the rest of the world!
I'm heading out today, no not for work. We have the day off as a holiday and I had been looking forward to doing odds and ends here at home and catching up with things. When I visited my Mom last Sunday, she showed me a flyer of her family reunion on the Fourth of July. Even though I could tell that she wanted to go, she took my lack of interest well and dropped the subject. By Monday, the next day, though, I was feeling guilty! She's getting up in age and out of all her siblings, she only has one brother left and he will be at the reunion. I started thinking that really, she ought to go to the party. But I didn't want to be the one to take her, I was hoping my older brother would do it. I waited all week until Saturday night, even called him but he and his family were gone for the holiday. They have two married sons and two grandchildren and like to see them often. I barely know the sons and their wives and have only seen the little granddaughter twice, the last time was several years ago.
So I bit the bullet and called Mom up 8:00 PM on Saturday night. She was surprised, then thrilled that she'd get to see her family! OK, I'm sure you're thinking, well it's MY family too--but I don't even know them! I once had a class with a first cousin and after other people pointed out how much we looked alike, we realized that we were closely related! We were too different to hang around much and I never did get to know her.
That's how it is with all of my family, on both sides. I don't even know them, wouldn't recognize most, haven't kept up with marriages, divorces, births and deaths so it's awkward, to say the least to go to this party. Because they all know each other quite well and they can recognize me easily, as the only outsider! They call me by name and ask about my son when I don't even know who they are! My mother is not helpful in this respect either, pushing me forward like a little kid and saying things like "Oh you must remember Shirley! She's Lulu's daughter!" No, sorry I don't. I've seen Shirley once or twice when I was a kid, I don't remember her at all! And even if I vaguely did recall her, is she the one who got divorced? Or the one who lost a child? I'd hate to say cheerily, "How are your kids?" if one had died! Or "How are your family?" if her husband had just left her. So although I like people and parties, it takes a bit to become comfortable at these gatherings, by that time it's time to go!
As long as I'm whining a little here, let's look at the logistics, another reason I wasn't keen on going. My Mom lives in Wisconsin, an hour's drive away from me, first I have to go and pick her up. Then I will be retracing my steps, passing within miles of my house to drive two hours to the party. When the party is done, which will be fairly late at night, I will need to drive past my house again to bring her back to Wisconsin! Then drive back home to Minnesota.
I wasn't initially pleased at the prospect of being on the road so much on a holiday. And Tuesday is a work day. I was hoping my son could come along too, to help drive, but being in retail, he has to work today. By the time he gets done, the party will be over and we'll be coming back. It's just as well as he wanted to do something with his friends after work. He has been very good about taking Mom to doctor's appointments and such, when he can.
That's one of the reasons I was really hoping my older brother could take her, he lives in Wisconsin only 15 miles away from her. But he's irritated with her for some reason (I don't want to get in the middle) and hasn't been coming to visit her much at all this year. My younger brother often exclaims how fun the family reunion would be, to win points with Mom, but he hasn't ever taken her there. He lives several states away. But she's sure that he would if he could. OK.
Well, you'll be happy to know that once I told her that I would come and pick her up for the party, she was so happy and excited about it that I knew I'd done the right thing. And you know what? The party will probably even be sort of fun, and I've said before that I like road trips!
From my E-mail, for a Monday:
Job Market
If you're in the job market right now you might want to familiarize yourself with the Human Resources Lingo...
"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.
"APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
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